careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
where are my eyebrows?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
