Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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