and she was petting her beer can
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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