recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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