Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
