Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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