i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
