when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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