is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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