so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think my fart just growled at me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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