i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
