Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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