I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
