don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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