first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
