Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
