My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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