Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
