I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
