Have you finally orgasmed yet?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
