i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
