why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
