that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
