She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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