He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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