I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
