He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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