i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
