I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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