Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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