People in love make me want to vomit
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
