i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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