Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
