Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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