I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
