i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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