why didn't you poke me back
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
