and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
