I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
