Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
