I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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