i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
