Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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