please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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