I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
