But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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