Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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