that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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