I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
