Your dad touched me again.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
