i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
